By Ashley J. WennersHerron
CNN Medical News Intern

My preschool-age cousin was hospitalized last year for a bad infection. A happy and good-natured kid, she kept her spirits up with visits from family and friends, as well as multiple viewings of “The Little Mermaid.” After nearly a month, she was well enough to go home, as soon as she had her chest port surgically removed.

The surgery was brief, but required her to have general anesthesia. After waking up, she felt sick from the medicine, she felt pain from where her port had been, she felt frustrated by not being allowed to run around and play like normal — it’s a lot for anyone, and it’s even more overwhelming when you lack the ability to articulate all of those emotions. The feelings build up and, often, crying is the result.

Tears show emotion, but we didn’t always have such a clear indicator. According to a study released this spring by the University of Maryland, humans developed to shed tears to efficiently communicate distress, whether it’s grief, fear or frustration. It’s suspected that before we developed the vocabulary to express our emotions, our tear ducts advanced our ability to effectively communicate.

In the study, participants were shown sets of photographs. They were asked to identify the emotions in each pair. The pictures were identical, except tears were digitally removed in one photo per set. The individuals viewing the photographs ranked those with tears as sad and those without tears as less sad, puzzled or confused, even though the facial expressions were the same in every other way. The tears portrayed sadness for those viewing them, but in the photos without the tears, the same message wasn’t as clear.

Children, without the vocabulary to explain a simple emotion or even a need such as hunger, cry. The tears demonstrate that they need attention for something. When we grow up, we can describe what we want or need, but emotion builds up for even the most-level headed person. No, we don’t necessarily cry because we are hungry or tired, but something sad or upsetting can cause the tears to spill.

We use tears to show others a need for understanding and compassion. It’s a cry for help, literally. It’s instinctual, even as infants, we know crying will bring what we need, even if it’s simply attention.

Why do you cry? How do you react when you see others crying?

Editor's Note: Medical news is a popular but sensitive subject rooted in science. We receive many comments on this blog each day; not all are posted. Our hope is that much will be learned from the sharing of useful information and personal experiences based on the medical and health topics of the blog. We encourage you to focus your comments on those medical and health topics and we appreciate your input. Thank you for your participation.

By Caleb Hellerman
CNN Medical Senior Producer

Yesterday I gave a short talk at a meeting for psychologists and others who work with people suffering from psychological trauma. Our panel was about how the media handles stories about mental illness. It’s a topic that felt especially poignant a few hours later, when a gunman shot and killed at least a dozen soldiers at Ft. Hood, a U.S. Army post in Texas. The alleged gunman: a military psychiatrist. At this point we don’t know what led to the shooting – was it a premeditated terrorist attack? A case of workplace rage? Was the gunman unhinged by fear of his upcoming deployment? Did he suffer some kind of a breakdown after hearing too many stories from traumatized soldiers?

Those are mysteries we’ll have to unravel in the coming days. What’s clear is that many people at Ft. Hood – a virtual city of more than 30,000 people – have just been through a terrifying experience. That doesn’t mean they'll develop a pathological condition – like post-traumatic stress disorder – but especially if they witnessed the shootings or lost loved ones, they are at risk for lasting problems.

Beyond that, news coverage of a violent event can itself be deeply painful for readers and viewers, especially if they’re trying to recover from an unrelated trauma of their own. At our panel yesterday, people raised some issues that I hadn’t much thought about. Reader comments, for instance. Two clinicians pointed out that people sometimes post hurtful comments online, which can re-traumatize the people being written about – for example, a rape victim in a crime story.  A handful of news organizations, including CNN, moderate message boards and eliminate comments that are overtly offensive or full of profanity. But one very animated audience member – he described himself as a former reporter – said that’s not nearly enough. He thinks it’s a disgrace that any news organization would publish anonymous reader comments – that it only encourages damaging words.

What do you think? How should news outlets like CNN strike a balance between telling the story, getting feedback from you and not making life worse for the people we cover?

By Caitlin Hagan
CNN Medical Associate Producer

Matthew Brown, 24, was shot in the leg in Falluja, Iraq.

Since the day a sniper shot Matthew Brown, 24, in the leg in Falluja, Iraq, life has never been the same (watch video). It was Veterans Day 2004, and Brown was trying to locate the shooter who was targeting one of his fellow Marines. But the sniper found Brown first.

"Nothing can describe it. You're taking a small projectile moving roughly 2,800 feet per second and stopping it on a dime, so there's searing heat, shooting pain, just pain everywhere," Brown says.

A priest gave him his last rites before he was airlifted out of Falluja. "They weren't really sure where I was shot because there was blood everywhere," he says.

Many blood transfusions and surgeries later, Brown awoke from a medically induced coma. This time, he was in Maryland.

"It was very disorienting, very confusing," Brown remembers. "I couldn't understand why I couldn't move my leg. I kept reaching for my sidearm."

He still had both legs and feet but had suffered extensive nerve damage. At 20 years old, Brown had to learn how to walk again. But there was more to his injury than his new physical limitations. One of every five veterans returning from Iraq or Afghanistan has post-traumatic stress disorder. Matthew Brown is one of them.

"Cars backfiring make me very jumpy,” he says. “People behind me, loud noises, constantly on alert looking around – is that McDonald's bag on the side of the road a bomb or just a bag? Is someone trying to get me?”

What started out as a prescription to take one to two painkillers every six hours eventually spiraled in to something more serious. Brown began abusing his medications. "Oxycontin, methadone, Percocet, Vicodin, once in a while Valium, " he says. "There would be some times where I would crush up a methadone....snort that, then chew a Percocet, then swallow a Vicodin, just so they would all hit at different times and the high continued."

And on top of the drugs, he was drinking heavily. "I was just, indirectly, I guess just trying to end it. End the pain, for a brief moment or forever."

Brown says he doesn't remember much from that time but he knows the exact moment when he hit rock bottom. Shortly after that night, he says he was able to speak up and for the first time, ask for help to deal with his PTSD.

"It took a while...to man up and get the help, " he says. "It was terrifying, knowing that I was going to go meet a complete stranger and spill my heart. I don't think I've ever told anyone everything before."

"Right now, the VA [Veterans Administration] is reporting over 50,000 veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan have some sort of substance abuse or alcohol issue," says Tom Tarantino, with the advocacy group Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America or IAVA. "Keep in mind, only 44 percent of current or former veterans even use the VA, so the actual number is far, far bigger."

Brown says communicating with fellow veterans is what best helped him manage his PTSD. "Really the only people who understand PTSD are the ones who have it," says Brown. Tarantino agrees. "No one can talk to a vet like another vet. No one can understand what someone's going through, what a combat vet is going through, other than someone who has also seen combat."

That's why the IAVA has created a social networking site specifically for combat veterans to share their experiences in dealing with PTSD. Community of Vets is a site where veterans can ask one another questions about dealing with family life, job stress, alcohol or drug abuse, and treatment options.

Tarantino believes that kind of open communication is crucial for someone with PTSD. "These are wounds. You're actually a stronger service member, you're a stronger soldier if you say, ‘Hey I'm having a problem. I need help. Let's get me fixed so I can get back into the fight," he says. "We do an excellent job of training people how to be warriors. We don't do a very good job in the military and as a society of bringing them back from warriors to citizens."

Brown believes he has benefited from talking with other veterans through the IAVA site. His darkest days seem to be behind him and the future looks bright. He's married and has two children, a boy and a girl.

"Life is still a battle with PTSD," he says. "I now realize that I don't want to be a number on a piece of paper, I want to live to be 70 or 80 – I want to grow up to see my son graduate from boot camp or high school or college....Same with my daughter."

"Now I'm trying to live up to what the people that died could have been. Where they would want to be."

Editor's Note: Medical news is a popular but sensitive subject rooted in science. We receive many comments on this blog each day; not all are posted. Our hope is that much will be learned from the sharing of useful information and personal experiences based on the medical and health topics of the blog. We encourage you to focus your comments on those medical and health topics and we appreciate your input. Thank you for your participation.

By John Bonifield
CNN Medical News Producer

Rev. Leland Jones resigned from his church to fight in Iraq. When he returned home in November 2007, he was injured and using a walker. Ten days later his wife told him that she wanted a divorce.

Jones, the pastor of Greater New Light Missionary Baptist Church in Atlanta, was in a dark place.

Reverend Leland Jones, Greater New Light Missionary Baptist Church, Atlanta, GA.

"I felt the walls of my soul beginning to close in," Jones told an audience of health care providers, local clergy and residents during a recent forum on mental well-being hosted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

A therapist diagnosed the reverend with depression.

"Even though I was getting back to an integrated mindset as to how to operate in this world, everything that was important to me was no longer there for me," Rev. Jones said.

In any two-week period more than 1 in 20 Americans experience depression, according to a survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Rates are higher among blacks than whites, and yet a report by the surgeon general found that the percentage of blacks who actually get mental health care is only half that of whites.

Instead, it's the black church that's become the place for emotional triage. Rev. Jones, who is black, says too frequently African-American churches contribute to the access problem.

"Biblically we have looked at mental health as being infused with demons," Jones said. "Don't get me wrong. There are demons. But is that the diagnosis for everyone who is exhibiting behavior outside the norm? No, it is not."

Allen Carter, an African-American psychologist who has worked extensively with Atlanta's black community, agrees.

"Church is still the most powerful instrument in the black community," Carter said. "For very minor depression, talking to a pastor could be sufficient, but not for very major depression."

Rev. Jones and members of the Concerned Black Clergy of Atlanta have teamed up with National Alliance on Mental Illness to educate African-American congregations about the signs and symptoms of mental illness.

Efforts to change attitudes are underway elsewhere as well.

Dianne Young, a Memphis pastor at the Healing Center Full Gospel Baptist Church, leads a coalition of ten local congregations that are placing the black church on the front line in addressing mental health concerns.

Working with the Tennessee Department of Mental Health and Magellan Health Services, the churches have created "emotional fitness centers" to help faith leaders screen for signs of mental illness when parishioners come to them for support. A licensed professional counselor refers struggling church-goers to mental health care centers when appropriate. In a four month period, the program screened 477 people and referred 315 people to professional providers.

"You can have faith and get help," Young said. "We are the only one like this, but we want to see them all over the country."

The depression that Rev. Jones experienced has spurred him to speak up.

"The first thing we need to do is literally just listen. Find out what's going on. But at the same time, prayerfully–and praying with them–find out if they will allow us to then take it to the next step if possible," Jones said. "If someone is not rational, we need to find someone who is a caretaker or a caregiver for that person. But we need to seek the help that's necessary."

You can watch Rev. Jones on House Call with Dr. Sanjay Gupta this Saturday and Sunday at 7:30A ET on CNN.

And tell us what you think. Would you go to a leader within your faith if you were experiencing a mental health issue? What would your expectations be?

Editor's Note: Medical news is a popular but sensitive subject rooted in science. We receive many comments on this blog each day; not all are posted. Our hope is that much will be learned from the sharing of useful information and personal experiences based on the medical and health topics of the blog. We encourage you to focus your comments on those medical and health topics and we appreciate your input. Thank you for your participation.

As a new feature of CNNhealth.com, our team of expert doctors will answer readers' questions. This week, Dr. Gupta answers multiple questions about bipolar disorder.

The Food and Drug Administration spent two days this week weighing whether three powerful drugs that treat bipolar disorder and schizophrenia should be prescribed for children. The drugs are called atypical antipsychotics. The panel specifically was looking at the risk, benefit ratio of Zyprexa, Seroquel and Geodon. These three drugs come fraught with controversy because the list of risks associated with them. Common side effects include weight gain, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and in some situations, sudden cardiac death. The weight gain is not small – in some cases, a teen can put on 40 pounds in a few months after starting the medications. They seem to interfere with part of the brain that corresponds to our ability to feel full.

Most doctors agree that the risks and side effects need to be weighed by doctor, patient and parent. Many experts CNN spoke to who see children with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia believe these drugs are safe and should be widely available for use when a child has a severe mental health problem.

I received hundreds of questions by e-mail and on twitter. Here are answers to a few of the most common ones.

From @cognimmune via Twitter.com:

"At what age can a child be diagnosed with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia?"

Answer:
That is a really great question and one that experts don’t really have an exact answer to. According an expert in child psychiatrist at Seattle Children’s Hospital, Dr. Christopher Varley, diagnosing a child less than 10 years old is very unusual and difficult to do. Most diagnoses are made in the early teen years.

From @shampm via Twitter.com:

"My daughter is adopted and we are having a hard time getting diagnosed [with bipolar disorder]. What can we do?"

Answer:
Diagnosing bipolar disorder can be tricky because many children, and adults, display different sets of symptoms. For instance, not everyone with bipolar disorder will have instant changes to mood or outbursts of anger. Although the main characteristic is a drastic change in mood/personality, one person with bipolar may experience manic depression for a long time, and others may have only short episodes. A person with bipolar disorder may also display changes in his or her sleep patterns, energy level and have difficulty making decisions.

From Tori in Florida:

"I suspect my 16-year-old daughter may suffer from bipolar disorder. How does one know whether to seek a psychologist or psychiatrist for treatment?"

Answer:
This is a an important one, Tori. The biggest difference between the two professions is that psychiatrists prescribe medications and psychologists do not. Psychiatrists are medical doctors and widely viewed as the best people to treat bipolar disorder because most patients with bipolar disorder do require medication. Psychiatrists are well qualified to identify which drugs might work best for a specific patient. But a major part of any therapy for this disorder is considered psychotherapy. And that can be provided by psychologists and other mental health professionals as well. Talk therapy can help you develop coping mechanisms and may help you keep you on your medications. Bottom line? After diagnosis, you may find a combination of treatment from both beneficial.

From Jackie in Massachusetts:

"I heard many of antipsychotic drugs are being prescribed to kids for who aren’t even diagnosed with bipolar disorder? Is that true?"

Answer:
Jackie, this is a question a lot of people have. What exactly are these drugs being prescribed for? A recent study published in the Ambulatory Pediatrics Journal looked at the trends in prescribing atypical antipsychotic medications. It found these drugs are prescribed only 37 percent of the time to treat bipolar and schizophrenia. What makes some critics cringe is that these powerful antipsychotics are being used almost one-third of the time to treat ADHD - which can often be treated with a less-potent drugs or behavioral therapy.

Here is the breakdown of how atypical antipsychotic drugs are prescribed:
- 37.1 percent bipolar disorder & schizophrenia
- 29 percent ADHD
- 13.8 percent nonpsychiatric diagnosis
- 7.5 percent autism
- 5 percent Tourette's syndrome
Source: Ambulatory Pediatrics Journal

From John in West Virginia:

“I’m having trouble researching ADHD and bipolar disorder. The two seem similar. What is the difference and is it possible to have both?"

Answer:
John, to answer to the second part of your question, yes, it is possible to have both. But it can be really confusing. It's a clinical diagnosis, and sometimes some of the symptoms sort of overlap, things like inattention, hyperactivity, impulse disorder, those are all things that are associated with ADHD. But specifically with bipolar, you tend to get what are pretty dramatic mood swings so you can have intense euphoria sort of followed by manic depression. That's one of the big differences. What's particularly difficult to distinguish in kids is that sometimes a treatment can be very similar as well, so that may be some of the trouble, there. I’d say if you are looking for a cardinal symptom of bipolar, extreme mood swings would be the main difference.

As a new feature of CNNhealth.com, our team of expert doctors will answer readers' questions. Here's a question for Dr. Gupta.

From Margaret, via comment on the Paging Dr. Gupta blog

“Do PTSD symptoms ever really go away?”

Answer:

Margaret, thank you for your question. Last week, I sat down with my producer and a flip cam and she started asking me questions about my time in Iraq. I hadn’t prepared for it at all, but the memories came flooding back. There was a hat that I used to wear during my 12 weeks out there. It was a camouflage wide brimmed hat, that was particularly effective for shielding me from the Iraqi desert sun. I brought that hat home, and hadn’t thought about it for a year until one day my wife and I were planning a hike. I pulled out the hat and put it on at the beginning of the trail. Inexplicably, I started to sweat, developed a pit in my stomach and almost threw up. At first, I thought it was something I ate, until I realized it was the smell and feel of that hat that immediately propelled me back to the battlefield. I had found a trigger. And, keep in mind, I was only there for three months, as compared to military personnel that have been on the battlefield for years.

As I researched this I learned the answer to your question. The symptoms of PTSD really never go away. Here is why: There is a profound psychological and physiological reaction to something traumatic. That traumatic event can’t be completely undone, though it can be diminished in the mind. Some of the symptoms include flashbacks, like I had. You may also have frightening thoughts, emotional numbness and depression. Many people will have problems sleeping, concentrating and will experience angry outbursts, to name a few.

The key to your question, I think, is to create a situation where someone who has persistent PTSD is still able to function normally. There are good treatments available, from counseling to immersion therapy. On an individual level, though, maintaining strong relationships with people who support you – they are often the first to notice the signs of PTSD – is very important. Also, talking to people who went through the same or similar experiences can be cathartic. And finally, try and remove things that trigger those memories. For my part, I threw away that hat.

By Caitlin Hagan
CNN Medical Associate Producer

One of my good friends recently went through an unexpected breakup. I'll spare you the details but suffice it to say it was not a pretty situation. But my friend is a strong person. A little time being sad and a few girls' nights were all she thought she needed to bounce back and feel happy again. But months went by and things didn't get any easier. I remember talking to her one night over dinner, when her sadness and anger gave way to frustration. She couldn't wait to stop being sad, she said. When would she be happy again?

What is the difference between sadness and depression? I posed that question to Dr. Paula Bloom, a licensed clinical psychologist. Bloom says it's all about your ability to function. Are your emotions interfering with your daily life? "It's OK to be sad or angry and have some of those feelings, but when you're affected physically, when you have changes in your appetite or your weight, or difficulty sleeping or focusing...or you experience memory problems, that's when it becomes something more serious."

A person with depression may isolate from the world around him or her. Dr. Charles Raison, a psychiatrist and clinical director of the Mind-Body Program at Emory University, described how unproductive emotions, meaning negative emotions, can make a person a magnet for more negativity. As a person with depression withdraws, he or she begins to make bad choices, stop exercising, or indulge in unhealthy vices such as drinking, smoking, or eating poorly. She may avoid social situations, argue with family or co-workers, and fail to stand up for herself when she normally would.

In this tough economic climate, difficult events such as losing a loved one or ending a relationship may be compounded by stress, anxiety or anger triggered by financial difficulties. Job loss can also mean health insurance loss, and a person confronted with unemployment and depression may feel that therapy or antidepressants are not affordable options. But there are steps you can take to help your mood that don’t cost a thing. A change in lifestyle is one of the most effective ways a person can battle depression By eating healthy, exercising, socializing, and trying to get regular sleep, a person can become less isolated and better equipped to manage his or her emotions. Most cities have community mental health centers that offer services at a discounted rate. And for anyone really needing to speak with a therapist, Bloom encourages people to contact a doctor and try to negotiate lower fees. Many mental health professionals are willing to work with patients at a reduced rate.

Have you ever been depressed? What did you do about it?

Editor's Note: Medical news is a popular but sensitive subject rooted in science. We receive many comments on this blog each day; not all are posted. Our hope is that much will be learned from the sharing of useful information and personal experiences based on the medical and health topics of the blog. We encourage you to focus your comments on those medical and health topics and we appreciate your input. Thank you for your participation.

By Jamie Guzzardo
CNN Medical Intern

As I sift through my final semester of college, I realize what an exhilarating, yet incredibly stressful, experience the last four years have been. Students’ lives are jam-packed with papers, exams, hectic schedules, conflicts with roommates, and newfound sexual and social freedom. Living in an environment filled with all-nighters, parties and alcohol can undermine any student’s focus, but for those with a psychiatric disorder, the challenges can prove exceptionally difficult.

According to the American College Health Association’s 2007 National College Health Assessment, stress is the No. 1 reported impediment to academic performance. Depression and anxiety disorders are among the Top Ten. The survey also found that nearly half of all college students reported feeling so depressed at some point in time that they have trouble functioning, and depression was diagnosed in 24.8 percent of students within the past school year alone.

Depressed students, fearing they will be stigmatized or labeled “crazy,” may further fuel their isolation by not sharing their feelings with a friend, roommate or an on-call clinician. They may also hesitate to speak with a professor, fearing a negative impact on their grades. It often becomes easier for a student to retreat further into his or her depression, rather than turning to parents and siblings who are often far away. The results can be tragic. According to the American College Health Association, suicide remains the second leading cause of death for college students.

The good news for students is that many colleges are keenly aware of the health impacts of stress and depression, and the majority of schools around the country provide free and confidential mental health counseling services. But according to a 2008 survey conducted by the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions, getting students to actually use these resources can be a problem. They found that while almost half of all college-age students meet the criteria for substance abuse, personality disorders or other mental diseases, only one-fourth actually seek treatment. But since counseling services are free and confidential, how can we ensure that students will actually use them?

Reducing the public stigma surrounding mental illness is one place to start, and this is something the American Psychiatric Association has long pushed for. A 2006 study published in the journal Social Science and Medicine found that while most Americans believe that mental illness has genetic causes, they are no more tolerant to the disease now than they were 10 years ago. Both Tipper Gore, wife of former vice-president Al Gore, and former first lady Rosalynn Carter, have been a longtime advocates for mental illness, and each has stressed the importance of reducing the mental health stigma. While their work is important and has begun to make a significant impact, it is not enough. Young people need more role models to look up to – they need to know it is OK to talk about mental illness and to ask for help. Seeing a high-profile star speak openly about the issue could show young people that open dialogue is nothing to be ashamed of.

Another way to impact college mental health is through early preventive measures. According to a new report from the National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, the weight of research is currently shifted towards treatment programs. However, since the first symptoms of a disorder usually occur two to four years before full-blown onset, these preventive programs could create a window of opportunity and make a long-term difference. With health care costs exploding and, according to this report, mental disorders costing the U.S. an estimated $247 billion annually, preventive measures could help ease the financial burden placed on the health care system by repeated hospital stays, long-term therapy and even some rehab costs.

Some of these preventive programs have already been implemented and have seen some success. The Clarke Cognitive-Behavioral Prevention Intervention helps adolescents at risk for depression learn to deal with stress. In several controlled experiments, this has been beneficial in helping prevent major episodes of depression. Likewise, TeenScreen National Center for Mental Health Checkups at Columbia University works towards early detection and suicide prevention by making evidence-based mental health checkups a more routine part of adolescent health care. These checkups ask teens about common issues in their lives and can identify potential problems, granting teens and their families access to professional services that can improve their prognosis or even save their life.

It is my hope that the next generation of college students will benefit from these types of preventive programs and that the stigma surrounding mental health will be significantly reduced so that they have a happy, healthier college experience.

Have you experienced stress or depression, or do you have a friend or family member who has? How did you manage it?

Editor’s Note: Medical news is a popular but sensitive subject rooted in science. We receive many comments on this blog each day; not all are posted. Our hope is that much will be learned from the sharing of useful information and personal experiences based on the medical and health topics of the blog. We encourage you to focus your comments on those medical and health topics and we appreciate your input. Thank you for your participation.

By Val Willingham
CNN Medical Producer

For four years, I dated a man who beat me. The first time was around Christmas of my freshman year of college. I had known him a couple of months. He was the first guy I had ever had a physical relationship with, and I was madly in love. But he had a dark side, a short fuse, and I was very vocal and told him what I thought. The problem was, instead of arguing with me, he just beat me up.

The episodes continued throughout our relationship. At one point, he actually put me in the hospital with a concussion, my face and body covered with cuts and bruises. My friends begged me to leave him. His fraternity brothers did an intervention of sorts and told me he was a no-good, nasty, SOB. But for some odd reason, which took hours of therapy years later to figure out, I just stayed with him.

It wasn't that I was unpopular or lonely. I had lots of friends, men and women. I was a good student, a leader on campus. I came from a loving home, with a father who never hit my mother, or me. But for years, I had a secret that only the closest of my friends knew about. I was an abused girlfriend.

According to a National Violence Against Women Survey, 22 percent of women are physically assaulted by a partner or date during their lifetime. I was one of them. The question was, why did I stay? The American Psychiatric Association finds that many women remain in abusive relationships for many reasons, lack of finances, poor self-esteem, children and even religious and cultural values. In my case, I felt I had done something wrong and deserved it.

It also might be because I was also raised in a family and at a time, when sex was a little taboo.  It was the ’70s and I was in school on a large rural campus. You just didn't do it unless you were married. So when I had sex at the age of 18 with this young man, I had pretty much made up my mind he was my future husband. So I put up with it. There was a strange bond I had with him, because when he wasn't beating me up, he was very nice to me. He treated me well, sent me flowers, took me places. We laughed, had a great time together. But periodically when we argued, he would just lash out with his fists. It was horrible. But what was even more horrible was that I blamed myself for mouthing off. I thought if only I could keep my opinions to myself, the beatings wouldn't happen anymore. How naive of me. How foolish.

The ironic part of this story is he ended our relationship because I graduated from college and he didn't. He threw me out. I guess he was jealous. He was definitely a jerk.

Six months after we broke up, I was coming home to my little apartment, carrying decorations for my first Christmas tree as a working woman, and I found him sitting on my doorstep. I have no idea how he found me. He asked to take me to dinner so we could talk. I reluctantly went. While chatting over the meal, he said he wanted to come back and that he "didn't realize how good he had it." I quickly answered back, "I didn't know how bad I had it, but now I do!" For once he didn't whack me. He got up and left me at the restaurant, never to see me again. I had to take a cab home. As I sat in the back seat I felt a sense of relief but also shame that I had let it go on so long. But I was no longer a victim: I was free. As I look back on it now, It was the best cab ride I ever took.

Are you the victim of domestic abuse? Do you know someone who is? How did you help? We want to know.

Editor's Note: Medical news is a popular but sensitive subject rooted in science. We receive many comments on this blog each day; not all are posted. Our hope is that much will be learned from the sharing of useful information and personal experiences based on the medical and health topics of the blog. We encourage you to focus your comments on those medical and health topics and we appreciate your input. Thank you for your participation.