Did I wait too long to get pregnant?

I disagree with the doctor....women cannot realistically wait to have kids in their late 30's and 40's! Everyone that I know who has waited has had such emotional heartbreak and loss. People tell women to pursue their careers and have kids later,,,to have their cake and eat it too....but I really think it's not realistic and women suffer the consequences later on. No one wants to hear the facts, no one wants to be told there is a timetable, everyone wants flexibility and options,,, and it's just not the truth.

Jean
Age 27
Happily Married Mother of 2

I agree with the doctor (and if anyone has an idea of the truth here, it's the doctor)...in this day and age, women can succsesfully wait to have kids in their late 30s and 40s whether it is due to personal choice or circumstance. I know of many women who have had children in their mid-late 30s with no problem. In fact, after several miscarriages in her late 20s and several rounds of failed IVF, my sister was told she wouldn't be able to have any more children...10 years later at the age of 37, she became pregnant (naturally) and had a healthy pregnancy and baby. Another sister made the choice to wait to pursue her education and career and had 3 beautiful children starting in her mid-30s. I am now the proud aunt of 4 of these "consequences".

Julie
Age 31
Soon to be Married and Start a Family of ??

Jean – do you have your medical degree? There is some flexibility, and whether you like it or not, there are options. I agree...waiting and expecting everything to go perfect and quickly may not be ideal....but realistically, there are MANY women that have children in their late 30's and early 40's. Some people persue further edcation, such as medical degrees, and hold off on children until their mid/late thirties. If you did the same and became a doctor, you'd know what you were talking about.

Realistically not ever woman dates and gets married when she is 20 and has her life perfectly worked out for her 10 year plan so there are kids and a house and all the wonderful "cake" beforehand. Some women, MANY WOMEN, pursue a career instead of sleeping with the first convenient man. Many WOMEN, struggle to have children and it takes that long in order for that opportunity to arise. Some women JUST aren't ready financially, emotionally etc... I disagree with saying it is not realistic to wait to be a mother. That is absolute nonsense. I agree 100% with the doctor.

Jean,

You couldn't be more wrong.

You are not a doctor with a medical degree, you are basing your opinion on the limited number of people you know.

You are not even 30 years old yet – the younger ones always think they know it all (they believe they know even more than those with doctorate degrees)...

The smart way to raise a family is to educate yourself, get married when you are 30 years old (at least) because that's the age of maturity, buy a home to raise your family in and then have children.

It's disappointing to see so many people having children in their 20s when they don't even know themselves yet.

Studies show that adults who wait to have children until they are at least 30 years of age have children who are healthier, stronger, smarter and have a lot more stability and happiness in their lives. Children parents in their 30s are more likely to have a college education and flourish in life.

It depends on so many things, including your health and your family history. In my family, there's a long history of women getting pregnant well into their 40s. Meanwhile I have friends having difficulty conceiving in their early 20s. This is far too complicated for a "yes" or "no" answer without knowing more information about the patient. For some women, waiting is a very real option and for others it isn't.

Jean, you can disagree all you like, but you ARE NOT A DOCTOR. I know many women who waited until they were in their late 30's to start their families and are incredibly happy and glad that they waited. A few of them DOCTORS who know "ALL THE FACTS" None of them have "emotional heartbreak and loss". As far as you comments about "people wanting their cake and eat it too" . That is ludicrous! It is about what is better for the child not just the mothers! I know several people who had children in their 20's half of them are divorced and are struggled to raise their children. That is a major reason I waited and I could not be happier. You sound a little bitter in your comments. AND AGAIN YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR

I am the youngest of five! My mother had me when she was 38!
No complications and I am in perfect health!!!

My wife is in her early 40s- we didn't start having children until she was 35. We are blessed with 2 very lovely daughters.

Jean- I hardly see how a 27 year old with no life experience can even comment on this topic.

Hello,

I agree with Jean, my mother had her last child at 35 and to this day she says she wished she had children sooner...you have more energy when you are young. Plus to have parents over 55 when children are in college, they get mistaken for grandparents. Life is short! Do not waste anytime in starting a family!

Jean, I agree with the doctor. I'm going to have kids someday, but now is not that time. There are personal issues that need to be worked out before I join the "Mommy Mafia", and I'm fine with that. The doctor is right: women CAN realistically have children a little later in life, there will just be more things to take into consideration.

Rachel
Age 26
Happily Married Mother of None.

This article makes a good point. I'm so tired of everyone thinking that this is the 1950s and you have to have all of your children when you're in your early twenties. The fact that my husband and I waited until we were financially secure made having and caring for our first child (and 2nd on the way) so much easier. We have friends on both sides of the coin - and plenty of our friends that had children at a young age have really struggled financially, putting undue stress on their families and marriages. Another point that people sometimes forget is that not every woman meets her soulmate at a young age. Many women don't meet their husbands until they are in their late thirties or early forties and don't have an option of having a child sooner. Certainly waiting to raise a child with someone you love is more important than having a child at a young age. People need to stop putting so much pressure on women!

Jean,

Everyone you know is not everyone! My grandmother had all three of her kids in her 40's. (And that was in the 1940's!) She had my mother at 48. All are happy, healthy and well adjusted. My aunt and uncle are now grandparents themselves. I have wonderful memories of my grandmother who lived to see all of her grandchildren born and many graduated from high school. She attended college in 1921-for pharmacy–not teaching and nursing like was 'proper' for a woman back then. I am now 27 and happily married, but I intend to finish my Phd before my hubby and I think about kids! A well educated, confident female role model is certainly not unrealistic. People who have trouble having babies later in life may have also had trouble sooner too, they just now blame themselves for misplaced priorities instead of their bodies! Now that is heartbreaking.

Jean, are you a doctor? Do you have professional medical experience with women trying to conceive?

You're comment is pretty naive, especially considering you are not the woman they are talking about. Good on you for deciding to have kids earlier, but that doesn't mean you know better.

I'm 30 and trying to conceive. It's been a long time and nothing has happened, but at the same time I'm a woman of faith and believe it will happen when it's supposed to. No need to go after treatments yet. In the meantime, I've completed my doctorate in geology and have a very successful career in the sciences. Would I be in this situation if I had kids five years ago? Probably not. The fact that I have created a very nice "nest" for my future children speaks well of me, I hope. And for all the other women out there trying to enrich their lives and environment before having kids, I think they are making a great decision. Of course, it's a very personal decision, which is why you shouldn't judge.

Alexandra
Age 30
Happily Married, Double Income No Kids, Plenty of Time

I agree with the Dr. and am living proof! My husband I waited to have our family, saving money so I could stay at home with them during infancy. I did stay home with them, and I had the support of my husband in raising them. We have 5 beautiful, fantastic, children, and I wouldn't trade anyone of them. The last one will graduate H.S, this May. I also had 5 c-sections.... I had a wonderful Dr. and a great Ped.
Oh, and our occupations are a teacher of prim. and he is now an Admins. I think each woman should have the chance at motherhood if she wants it. But realistically you need to be ready to sacific your time and social life in attending the sports, or other activities your children choose to do. We believe in being in the community you live
and working for the team effort of your family. Life is good..... and I'm very blessed. I had our first child at 34 and the last at 39.

Jean, thanks for sharing your observations. I've seen the same things.

I didn't have any trouble conceiving two children in a row at age 38. My son was born in 1994 and his little sister in 1995. They were both born healthy and are doing very well.

Luckily, since I had my career, I could pay to support them after their father and I broke up.

It worked out fine for me, so I hope it works out well for you!

I disagree with Jean as a 40 yr old mother of a 1 yr old. With several close friends who became mothers in their late 30's and early 40's. The doctor is right on. Not everyone will be able to conceive at these ages, risks increase, and it may take longer, but babies are still conceived and happy endings do occur.

Age 40
Happy Mother of a 1 yr old

Jean, I think you're jealous!

I am 54 and my wife is 43. We are 2 weeks away from having our first baby. There were many reasons that we waited 20 years to do this, but we were blessed that it happened naturally. It wasnt an easy road, she miscarried last year before getting pregnant again., and we sweated out each ultrasound and the amnio. We are living proof that you can do it with the right prenatal care and taking good care of yourself. Don't let anyone else tell you what you can or cant do. If your Dr. tells you he sees no reason not to try, and if your heart, mind and situation allows you the opportunity, go for it. If it does not happen, make sure to enjoy all the magic that you share as a couple and dont look back.

I am 34 years old, bright, smart, not bad looking and fun. Professional, love to travel and all. But since I was 20 I started hearing the same thing: "marry, have kids"; "find a man", "how do you want your husband to be", "when is the wedding?", etc. Then, when I hit 30, the comments changed:" Too bad, you haven´t found the one", "you might have grandkids, instead of children if you delay"," the clock is ticking babe", etc, making me feel as I have failed as a woman. I am not at all sorry, for preferring to travel, have friends, save, buy a home, a car, be debt free and being career oriented. If I want to have kids in a future, this article makes me feel better. If I can´t due to age and doctor´s suggestion, well...., I will be the favorite aunt to every single kid in my family´!!!! : )

I disagree with Jean. Most of the people I know that have children in their early to mid twenties aren't necessarily the best parents. They're still young, establishing themselves in their careers and trying to become financially sound in addition to trying to juggle a family. Car payments, house payments, and student loans pile up and children aren't cheap. (This argument is made assuming I'm not supporting you and your children through any form of government assistance)
The women I work with who went to college and established themselves in their careers before having a family have less stress due to less bills and a more sound relationship. Even if what Jean says is true and women suffer more later on when they wait to procreate; isn't it rude to make your child suffer if you truly love them by having them too young?

Shannon
Age 26
Happily divorced from a "good" marriage where the guy cheated
Personally think having a child in this day and age is cruel, but support your right to procreate as long as I don't have to support the kid

Sorry Jean, I got pregnant at 40 very easily, had a smooth pregnancy and labor and now have a beautiful 2 year old. It is possible!

I'd have to agree with the doc's opinion based on personal experience. I didn't think he white washed the risks (less likely to concieve and risk with Down's). I turned 30 a week after having our first child. It's true, you don't get pregnant as easily. But, it's certainly not impossible. There is a trade off- less likely to get pregnant, but at least for us we were more financially stable. And, I think the maturity was helpful emotionally.

I am the healthy 39 year old daughter of a woman that gave birth to me at the age of 43. Women should try to have children when they are ready, and not before or not too far before, as there are health and happiness risks either way.

Kate

As a mother of four, the first three in my late twenties, and the last in my late thirties (surprise) it is harder to be an older mom. Yes, I was more tired after chasing after the older kids, but the pregnancy itself was declared "high risk" simply for being over 35. Our doctor required genetic testing: showing us the chances for Downs was TEN TIMES that of someone in her early twenties. I thank God we had a healthy baby girl, but the risk are there. I think it is native for women to feel they can have babies whenever they want.

Wow, wait until you're in your late 30's and 40's to have kids?! I certainly hope someone who actually did that has no hopes for living long enough to have a great grandchild. And if you're 40 when you have your first (and likely only) kid, and your kid waits that long to have a kid, you probably won't even live long enough to see your grandchild! The 40's are for preparing for retirement, not bearing children. Have 'em while you're young. You can have kids and a career, many women do it. Just my 2 cents.

I was a PhD student at a medical school years ago, in my mid-to-late-20's. One day, a chart was put up on the screen in biochemistry class that showed fertility vs age. It showed that fertility increased until about the age of 28, then sharply declined. I was shocked, but happy. Finally, I had the ammunition I needed to confront my husband, who wanted to wait to have a family. We could wait and struggle, like so many of my friends were who were in their 30's and trying to get pregnant, or we could begin our family at a time that made sense biologically. Thankfully, he saw the light and I had my first child at 29 1/2.

I agree with Jean that there is a message being sent to women in our society, telling them that they can have a full-time career and still have all the benefits of being a full-time mother. The more subtle message is that if they don't have a full-time career and are ONLY a full-time mother, that they have failed. What we really need to have is an open discussion – without name-calling, chest puffing and pointing of fingers – about what truly happens when you pick one path over the other, when you are qualified for both paths. Both paths have their benefits and their downfalls. Knowing what typically happens when you go down one path or the other is what young girls need to know to make these life-changing decisions with more confidence. A bit of respect for each other's paths would be nice, as well. I get a bit tired of telling people about my chemistry degree and work in a PhD program, just to get treated with a touch of respect. I'm sure those who juggle careers and motherhood simultaneously, tire of defending their ability to be a great mom.

Since there weren't very many female biochemistry researchers with children that I knew, whenever I would encounter a PhD mother, I would ask her what it was like to have a family and a research career as a PhD. Based greatly on their responses and on the response of one of the children of these people, I decided to stay at home with my children. It pains me greatly to think of what I could have been in the working world, but when my children beg me not to get a job outside the home, it makes me feel like I made a good decision for my situation. As a follow up, all the things that the female researchers told me turned out to be true for friends of mine who followed the career/mom pathway. Although it seems we need both pathways, neither one is ideal. I'm glad I had had someone to ask about the realities of the situation. I'm glad they were honest with me. We were the guinea pig generation of the 80's – the generation told that we could have our cake and eat it, too. More research needs to be done on what happened to us and to our children so that the next generation can make a more educated guess as to what their lives will be like when they choose their path.

I know several women who've waited until their late 30's to have kids. The women are happy and the children thriving. As for "emotional heartbreak and loss", well I think that's a little dramatic. I think it depends on each particular case, I don't think it's wise to make broad generalizations. If you think you want to have children, at any age, you should see your doctor to find out what are any risks or complications that may be expected in your particular case.

Lori
Age 25

Happily single girl

Not every one is fortunate enough to find a partner with whom to have kids in their 20s. I am one of several friends who found mates in our 30s. We were all lucky enough to get pregnant naturally after 35. I don't think it's fair to judge women who wait for whatever reason.

How about the child born with Down Syndrome, they are sentenced to a life of difficulty. I know a woman who had a late baby and she has the Syndrome. What life will be like for this innocent victim of a foolish woman's gamble. Women should realize that there are priorities for a reason, whether they are mature enough to accept it, or sentence a child to problematic life. It should be avoided, the risk is unacceptable particularly in an over-populated world.

I had my babies at 38 and 40 and couldn't be happier. I'm able to stay home and take care of them – something I wouldn't have been able to do in my 20's. I couldn't be happier!

Jean, please reference the information you are passing on. What consequences are being suffered by the many women you speak of? Many women go on to live healthy and satisfactory lives after giving birth at advanced maternal age. I appreciate your opinion, but to know the sources of your information that you are giving to the public would be nice. I plan on waiting until I'm 30 or later to have a child, as I have aspirations to complete my master's degree and become financially stable before supporting both myself and another being.

Krista, 22
Nursing Student

To David Yakoubian as I stated earlier I know many women who have had children in their late 30's and NONE of them had a problem with down Syndrome OR any other issues for that matter. Yes the chances go up when you get older but that is it the chances go up it doesn’t that you will encounter this problem.

• At age 25, a woman has about a 1-in-1,250 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome.
• At age 30, a 1-in-1,000 chance.
As for you calling women who wait foolish etc….. you really sound like a like a male chauvinist pig! Are you from a third world country? Please write back I am curious!

I like how Dave puts the word 'the' in front of syndrome...almost like it's the worst thing in the world. Is the woman he refers to married? Did the man also take part in this "foolish" endeavor? Who's to say that an individual with Down Syndrome is worse than one without? And, in reference to his unacceptable risk in an over-populated world....I hope he's fixed! To have him procreate and possibly pass this attitude onto the next generation is the unacceptable risk.

Wow don't you all middle aged woman love to pick on a younger woman that stated what we all know?!

It is not the same.....being pregnant after 35 or 40 ...I am 29, pregnant and i did go to Med school – so i do have an idea about what i am talking about. ( I did work in plenty of delivery rooms to know a thing or two)

Listen this whole 'it's ok to wait till you're 40' is not exactly accurate....after a certain age...things go south. You are not as fresh as you were in your 20's you're not as fertile as you were, risks for complications and genetic disorders increase ( don't take my word for it check the facts )and it's ok...it's a normal process of aging.

I really feel that mostly in the US ( an no i am not from a 3rd world country – in fact i live in the US ) woman adore to be told that 40 is the new 20...well ladies it is NOT. It is something that you tell yourself to feel better about ' missing the boat' on certain things that should have been done in our 20's.

I am not judging anyone nor am i trying to be rude.... of course getting pregnant is a personal choice like choosing your religion, and smoking .... it just is let's face it not ' the norm' ( to get pregnant after 35-40 ) and just like smokers are judged for their choices that potentially affect others...so should woman that get pregnant over 40. ( I am not a smoker in case you were wondering – however i do hate double standards).

To conclude i would say that it is doable, and yes you have a good chance of having a good pregnancy after 35-40;however to say that it is the same as having a child in your 20's is silly ( from a risk pow)

I hope this post won't get people too offended as that was not my intention.

And i do hope that all the potential mothers and mothers to be have a safe and easy pregnancy and delivery best of luck to all.

She was asking for a medical opinion, not what someone with a couple kids thinks

Someone makes this ridiculous argument: "Plus to have parents over 55 when children are in college, they get mistaken for grandparents."

Older parents will be MUCH better equipped to take care of a family, so what's the difference if they are in their 50s when the kid starts college? This is a silly argument based on the way things used to be, not based on any advantage to having younger parents. The kid really won't care if his parents are in their 50s when he goes to college, will he??? I think if your only concern is that someone "might" mistake you for grandparents, and that's how you base your life decisions, you are stupid and superficial.

As for waiting too long, yes, it's a concern. But let's see. My husband and I just got married and I'm 37. If I have a baby in the next year, we'll have to keep him/her in daycare because neither of us can afford to leave our jobs. Then people will be judgmental about THAT. Or if we only have one kid, that'll be the next thing you complain about, that the kid might be spoiled.

Don't assume everyone has the same circumstances. I'd love to have met my husband at 25 and married him and had three kids by now, but I didn't meet him until 35. Oh, and if I hadn't met him and was still single now, I'm sure you would haqve judged that too!!! It had nothing to do with me being selfish or focusing on my job – just that love didn't come along when I was more fertile.

To David Yakoubian – there are prenatal tests to tell if a child has down syndrome or not. And recent research has shown that the quality of men's sperm decreases as they age as well, putting children more at risk for genetic mutations such as Down Syndrome, so don't put this all on women. Yes, there are "consequences" to waiting longer than most to have children, but there are also consequences to having children earlier when you're still young and maturing. Nonetheless, that doesn't mean anyone who wants to have a child and is able to should forgo her/his dream due to societal pressure from imbeciles like you.

yes, fertility declines after 35 and complications increase in frequency. many women have been fortunate to have kids in their late 30s. but, it's not a guarantee.
if you are 35 and concerned about you status, see a reproductive endocrinologist and get some testing done to see where your 'biologic clock' is at. i did that @ 36 and saw that my ovaries were starting to fail (elevated hormone levels, few remaining eggs, etc). since i was not in the place relationship-wise to start a family, i elected to freeze my eggs. fertility rates are proportionate to the age of the egg. if, in two or three years i'm ready to take that next step, the fertility rates will be better (closer to a 36 year old than a 39 year old). big difference!

also, if trying to get pregnant in your late 30s, don't wait for a year of trying before getting checked out. there are things that can be done to help (short of IVF) and sometimes the roadblock is related to the male factor.

What a kind and knowledgeable doctor.

Yes many women in their 40s are having healthy babies, and doing it without medical assistance.

I understand there are many bitter women who enjoy tearing this reality down, as if women over 39 don't know that it can take longer to get pregnant. I think bitter women should keep their bitterness in their own circle. Stay miserable and faithless to yourselves, where it belongs!

Holy Cow! I can't believe this turned into Judgement Day for anyone who decides to have a child later in life. I was engaged in my 20s. It didn't work out. I got married in my 30s. We made sure we were ready before having our first child. I was 36 when I got pregnant (that is a 0.5% risk of Down syndrome). We got "the diagnosis" after an amnio and we chose to have our beautiful baby boy despite him being diagnosed with Down syndrome. He is now 2, is walking, and is the most precious person in the world to me. No one has the right to tell me that my husband and I made bad choices because those choices are our business.

Molly asked a medical question. That is what was provided. Any judgemental comments made here are irrelevant.

I met my husband at 40 and had a healthy son at 43. I was able to cut back to part-time work and give my son lots of my time and attention.
I feel there are many positives to being a mature parent. We have more patience, have had life experiences to build on. True, I might never see great-grandchildren...but is that the great goal in life? Mine is to treasure every minute with my son come what may and raise him to be independent, caring, empathetic, and help him follow his dreams.

Thank God Jean wasn't my mother. My parents married later in life. My father's first wife died and they had no children. My mother married young, had a son in her 20's, also had 3 miscarriages, and divorced. My parents married and since my father had no children, they decided to try. My mother was 44, my dad 57. It took her all of 2 mos. to get pregnant. I was born completely healthy. The down side is I did not have a family for very long, and that is difficult. But the upside is...I'm here

I am a 35 year-old NYC female who, like most of my friends, has focused on education and career for most of my adult life. While I don't regret my choices, what Jean said is absolutely TRUE. Ladies: ANY FIRST PREGNANCY after the age of 34 is deemed HIGH-RISK. Not an opinion, a fact. Lots and lots of women who are pregnant with their first child after the age of 34 miscarry. Yes, it sucks. We all know exceptions, of course–I can list like 4 off the top of my head. But I can list more who've had difficulties.
Of course, I hope to be in the group of fortunate females, but understand that if I'm not it's because I've waited too long.

Interesting. I am 44. In the past 5 years I have had 5 miscarriages. I was one of the career women who believed "yes it is possible to have it all – no need to rush". I wish I had believed the statistics a little more. I tended to see the deep decline in fertility over 35 as a "well – I'm not overweight with health problems! They don't mean me!" Two fertility doctors told me about the "great advances" being made – for $50,000 your chances of having a healthy child after the age of 40 are about 25-35%. – AND – that was with donor eggs. Not great odds. And for all the "I know a lot of women who had children after 40" – how many had their "first" child after 40? And how many do you know that have had multiple failures? And how many of those success stories cost an awful lot of money? And how many of those success stories used donor eggs? I'm not trying to discourage anyone – really I'm not. But the arguments to "wait – no problem – I know someone" – remind me a lot of the "my 'fill-in-the-relative/friend' smoked every day of his life and never got cancer" – stories. Yeah – the successes are out there – but there is going to be a lot of disappointments too.

After reading a lot of these comments, it feels as if women who have children later in life are judged for taking risks. I wish to point out that having babies later in life are not always a result of personal choice. I really wanted to have a baby since my early 20's but circumstances in my life meant that I was either in dead-end relationships or could not meet the right person. At the age of 34, I met a wonderful man who I wanted to be the father of my child. I am now pregnant and will be delivering after I turn 35 (considered a high risk pregnancy). I regret getting pregnant in life so late but I did not have the choice earlier and I am happy that my husband is a stable, loving and supportive man.

Just because your in your late 30's doesn't mean you can't get pregnant and have a happy healthy child. My best friend had a child at 37 and is he healthy and beautiful. I wish you all the best.

The reality is that if you're lucky enough to have a kid in your late 20s, go for it. I tried starting at 30 (when I got married) to get pregnant and had miscarriage after miscarriage. It took almost five years of fighting with the medical system, doctors who make decisions based on percentages and the insurance company to finally get them to do the blood panel I'd been asking for since the first miscarriage. Finally they figured out that my blood clots too easily, put me on blood thinners, and this one is a keeper, but I'll be 35 in a few weeks and am due in June.

I wish I could have had him earlier, but it's easy to judge others and hard to understand others' situations. I didn't want to be a mother so late, but I feel lucky to be able to be a mother at all.

Dr. Gupta is right to be positive, but it is true that the older you get, the more trouble you can run into. Women who wait consciously should at least know that, but it's still a personal decision. It is true that if you find out something is wrong and you're already 35, you have less time to try to fix it. That doesn't mean we shouldn't all get a chance to try for a family if that is what we desire.

I think it's a good idea to have a career first and wait till your right time to have kids. Too many people don't. I work in the health care industry and deal with pregnant women everyday. They range in age. So I would like to stress the point the doctor makes about how hard it is to conceive the older you get. When you wait there are so many more risks. Too many to list. I have a hard time feeling for the 37 old mom who comes in due to yet another misscarriage. I however to feel bad for all the life lost.

Good or bad – I am not ready for kids and family. Mainly, I am afraind of changes in my life style and, I guess, responsobilities. My my nightmare is I am in my 40's and are not able to have kids. Well, still not ready:) I will adopt to share my love.
ps. I am Russian and in my culture women normally have children pretty early (in their 20's). I am glad I don't live there:) Every time I go to visit my family in Estonia my g/f are telling me how late I am for having kids. I never respond to that, just smile:)

I agree with Jean, and all of you who disagree need to do some serious homework. My husband is an M.D. and I have a Ph.D in biological anthropology, wake up and listen to your biological clock before your fertility peaks at 27! We are not saying it is impossible to have children after your mid-30s, we are saying that it is difficult and for many evolutionary reason. Biologically at 40, we could and should almost be grandparents. But if being more "mature" in a grandparent way is what you are looking for to be as a parent then go ahead. Apparently our lives are so booked that time to meet the next generation litterally does not fit into our lives.

Cindy Cregier, you got it right on the money. And all who say they can't support kids in your 20s its because you want to continue to support the lifestyle you would not be able to have if your car payment went to diapers instead. I doubt Jean is jealous of anyone. If anything she is trying to put truth out there. I am 31 year old with a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. They were born while my husband and I were in graduate school and we were living off of loans and part time jobs. We do not have any debt except for what we accrued during school. We made SACRIFICES that did not interfere with our biology.

How come no one is mentioning the risk of older fathers? My cousin was in perfect health at age 18, but had a baby with Down Syndrome anyway possibly because the father was 35 and had been an alcoholic most of his life. Her child is now 16, a great fun guy and wants to get a job.

Men's fertility is a different question entirely, one which was not asked by the selected question. But yes it is an issue. The problem is that women are born with all of the eggs they will carry in their lifetime which are affected by our aging process. Men on the other hand have a daily replenishment of new sperm. They also undergo an aging process, but it is less severe since the sperm has not yet weathered a lifetime as the eggs have. But there is some truth to the Down Syndrome rates being higher when a male fathers after 35, as are the rates for autism. Either way, men and women should ideally be reproducing in their 20s and early 30s.

I'm 27 and married but not ready for children emotionally or financially. For me to have children now would be irresponsible as I'd make a poor mother. I don't want to get too much into detail but I current have a lot of mental health problems and am not emotionally stable enough to be raising kids at present.

Perhaps when I'm in my 30's I will be in a better position to bring children into this world, prehaps not. But should I be made to feel guilty for waiting? Jean who is also my age thinks women should have children early. Now that's okay for her as she is probably financially and emotionally secure and it was the right time for her to have kids. Everyone's situation is different.

Also my nana had my father at 40. She did not plan to have any children, it was purely by chance and she was not even aware she was carrying until well into the pregnancy as she continued to get periods and just thought she was gaining weight! She gave birth to my dad who was a very healthy baby. She lived to 92 so there was plenty of time for her to see her grandchildren grow up, i.e. me and my two younger brothers.

Also a note to the person who said if a person is 55 with kids in college people will think they are the grandparents, that doesn't make a lot of sense. Average age for women to have babies is 30, so average age of a maternal grandparent is 60. But that is to a baby, not a college kid. Think about what you said!

And have to laugh at grumpy's comment, '40's are preparing for retirement'. Well maybe if you are mega rich you can afford to retire young. But most people wait till their 60's lol.

And as I already mentioned my nana had my dad at 40 and she didn't die until I was 20. She certainly didn't miss out on seeing me grow up.

I am 34 and my husband is 28. I'll be 35 when I deliver our first baby. We don't have any history of Downs Syndrome in either of our families, but I can't stop worrying about it because of my age. Am I worrying unnecessarily?

Shannon,

Not supporting our kids by providing government assistance...Ok I am a mother of two at 25 (soon to be 26) and my oldest turns six in a month...yes I had to go onto government assistance for 24months between WIC and TANF and FOODSTAMPS...don't you realize that my kids will be paying your social security when you get older, just like we are currently paying or parents and grandparents???

Jean,

I also agree with you, I watched my mother have multiple miscarriages in her late 30's and early 40's and after experiencing one myself in between my kids I will not wish that experience on a soul...but I do wish all parents out there the best of luck.

Oprah did a show awhile back about waiting until late 30's. I t seems most regular md.'s don't know it's not such a good ideal. There were stories about women who waited and were having alot of trouble. They think stars like Maddona made it look easy, but I think they were saying alot of them were getting fertillity treatments. I do remember them saying you're born with a certain all the eggs you're going to have and as the years increase the amount decreases.

OMG! You people know people who waited until their TWENTIES to have kids? All my friends already had kids in high school!!! 20 at the latest. LOL, just kidding. I do have friends of many ages from wet behind the ears to old fogies.

Although I wouldn't go so far as to say that 27 is "young" and not knowing enough about self and life (poor Jean), I would say that it's just a gamble to wait. I know several people who waited and wanted to have things lined up to avoid repeating a vicious cycle of poverty we grew up in. They have been trying unsuccessfully, now that everything they wanted is all lined up, to have a baby. So far, a few years later, they are trying to save up for more IVF. I know a few other women who ended up having to have hysterectomies and so now they have to consider the fact that they can no longer bear children at all. I also know women who were teen mothers and thought they could still do it all and still achieve something – they are left back in the hood somewhere – but they didn't achieve anything society respects. And one friend had a healthy happy baby at 42. You just never know when your time is up and you can't live life in fear of it. If having kids is the most important thing to you maybe you should have them first. If having everything lined up for eventual kids is most important, you should line things up first and hope for the best. But science says eggs decrease w/age so that is undeniable. Best of luck to everyone trying to conceive or hoping not to quite yet.

I think you ladies (and a few gents) are really ganging up on Jean! Quit calling her bitter – I think you ladies are bitter that you are old, and that you do have a larger risk of complications because of it. I am a proud mother of one, I am married, I am only 22 but I have my RN, BSN my husband has a degree in aeronautics and acounting, and I am pursuing a graduate degree. Do not discriminate against young mothers by saying they are not mature and their children will have a shakier upbrining, this is simply not true.

Oh my gosh. If you are not a doctor don't act like you're as smart as one. I have many, many friends that had children in their early and mid-twenties and now regret it. They don't regret their children, but only the timing and I totally get it. I turned 30 this year and don't plan on having kids for a few more years. I am in a great relationship w/ my future husband, I have a career, a college education, can travel whenever and wherever I want on a whim. I have absolutely NO regrets like my friends who rushed everything and are now unhappy and/divorced or in bad marriages. For all the college girls who are thinking about not wanting to be "old" and hope to have children soon, don't. Children don't automatically make you happy. Wait for enough money, a home that you own and a stable environment for your children. And anthrogirl........I will never have to SACRIFICE anything, I will be ready, financially and emotionally. Does everyone know that the human brain doesn't fully develop until the age of 25???

Wow, I think pressure about ticking biological clocks like this is what makes a lot of women nowadays to have kids as a knee-jerk reaction. I see so many women who follow the "college then marriage then children" pattern for no more reason than the fact that it's the societally "normal" thing to do. I also see a lot of people in bad marriages who make horrible parents because they failed to contemplate the seriousness of legally marrying another person and bringing new life into the world.

I am 28 years old and have been in an almost 2 year wonderful relationship with a man 3 years younger. I currently feel ready for marriage but not children, and he is not ready for either one and I respect that a great deal. I think it takes more strength of character and maturity to make the conscious decision to delay having a family because you acknowledge that you are not yet ready to be a good parent than it does to conform to societal norms about timelines for having families. I acknowledge the fact that I am not yet ready to make the sacrifices necessary to raise emotionally healthy, well-adjusted, and well-provided for children. I think it would be irresponsible for me to bring an innocent child into this world knowing that I was not capable of being the best parent possible. And I am certainly not going to push the issue of having children on my boyfriend before he is ready either. Having children should be a loving choice, not something someone is pressured into. I think a lot of people's failures to consider all of the responsibilities and level of sacrifice that goes along with marriage and children is the reason why there are so many ill-behaved children and broken marriages nowadays.

Will I EVER be ready to have children? Maybe....it's not something I can ever judge because I cannot see into the future. Maybe I'll be ready tomorrow....maybe in 10 years....maybe never. I won't know when until I've already gotten there. And if I do become ready (and to me, "ready" means having a partner who is ready as well, although I do believe that single parents can raise perfectly wonderful children on their own!) I will weigh my options then. If I find at that time that I cannot conceive, I will still have a full and happy life. My happiness is in my hands only and does not depend upon marriage or children or anyone else but myself. You can't have rigid plans for how you want to live your life....there's a saying "Man plans and God laughs" and I try to always keep that in mind.

For all of the women in their 20s who are ready to start families: more power to you and good luck to all of you. And for all of the women who weren't ready until later....and to everyone like me who still isn't ready, good luck to you too. No matter when/if you decide to have children, your decisions are yours alone and as long as you are satisfied with your life and who you are then never let anyone judge you for your choices.

I just wanted to know who decided that 30 was the absolute drop-dead age for reaching maturity? I think I am more offended by that statement than anything on here.

I'm 29, I have a sucessful career, I have money in the bank and I have a 3 year old daughter. I am with the man that I love.

For "Not So Jean" to say: "The smart way to raise a family is to educate yourself, get married when you are 30 years old (at least) because that’s the age of maturity, buy a home to raise your family in and then have children' Is not right. That is an incredibly personal decision for each person to make.

I may be one of the lucky ones to have it all together early on, but it wasn't easy. I busted my rump getting here. I want a second child, however not right now. I do know that the next time might not be so easy as the first.

I am not going to wait until my late 30's with the assumption that I absolutely would be able to get pregnant right away, like so many women do today.

Casey,
I am very happy for you. You have acheived what you wanted so far. If having children is not a priority to you, that is a completely personal desicion. Of course you have no regrets and won't make any sacrifices. Just remember that there are sacrifices that are not made by choice; those your body makes for you. My goal is to educate women of all ages that there really is a biological time clock. In the last 20-30 years we, as a species, have tried to deny our biology and reject thousands of years of evolution. Kudos to you Casey.
And on a sidenote: develop is a tricky word, it does not necessarily mean that you are more mature or intelligent, it just means that it has reached its final PHYSICAL developmental stage.

Alot of people are attacking Jean saying she is not a doctor but neither are most of you people so in essence you have no right to use this as a basis for your argument. Though it is possible to have a baby naturally in the 30's and 40's it is still best to have them in the mid 20's to early 30's the older males and females become the weaker the sperm and eggs become genetically children born by parents in Middle Adulthood are more likely to suffer down syndrome as well as many other genetic, mental and physical defects. So with that being said while it is still possible to have a perfectly healthy child especially with today's technology your odds are still lessened the older you get weather people want to admit it or not.

Fernando Montero
Age 20
Age nor Degree's Determine Intelligence

It's interesting to see women banding together. but not against the world, not against poverty, against one happy mother that happened to say something out of love for her life and love for her children!!

Can we as women not be so prone to drama? Let's be a little understanding here.

Maybe Jean is happier than all of those people who claim to know more and have doctorates etc. Maybe she will always be happier than the rest of us. Maybe she won't.

I myself have chosen to pursue a career and don't care if I EVER have children. So is a new herd going to start up to tell me that motherhood is the only route to happiness?

Let's not put ourselves back 20 years, lets stop squabbeling like bored chickens.

Many women who wait are lucky and do have children. Others (including me) find that they cannot. It's a role of the dice, and I wish I hadn't bet that I would still be fertile in my late 30s/early 40s.

It is true. I personally know a few women in their late 30's who just delivered healthy babies.

got pregnant at 37 and 38 and did ok! but not everyone is so lucky. many of my friends are trying and infertile. no fault of their own. we are kind of nerdy and took a long time to meet the right person. we didn't wait on purpose. please don't judge women for getting pregnant later (or trying).

I am a 34-year-old healthy, attractive woman who has no children. For many of us women, it isn't really a "choice" to wait until our late thirties or beyond to have children. Many, including I, have not found the right man to settle down with – and no, I haven't been waiting for Prince Charming!

I am 38 and my husband wants to wait longer. I told him I can't. I may have to leave.

I am 44 years old and have four beautiful, healthy children (each 2.5 years apart). I got married at 34 (after dating my husband for 9 years!!) and was pregnant within a month. I also got pregnant while nursing all of my children right away as soon as my period came back (normally after 16-18 months postpartum). God has really blessed us and yes, you can certainly have children in your mid thirties and early forties!!!

O. K. So I am almost 30 and just got married and I have heard both arguments on waiting to have a baby. So I get worried about waiting. Am I closing the window of time to get pregnant?! so I asked my Doctor, and he told me I should not have any problems while in my early 30's but it does becomes more difficult to conceive after 35.
I would just start ASAP and not worry about wether you waited to long. I heard it is best just to try and relax not to over plan just go with the flow hehe...

I am a RN at a birthing center, and although down syndrome is associated with older mothers, the only down syndrome babies I have seen were those of mothers under the age of 25.