Comments on: Your cheatin' heart will tell on you http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/ Mon, 21 Dec 2009 21:13:33 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: nicola http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3696 nicola Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:07:52 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3696 I have been cheated on and I have cheated also. Then I met my husband. Just as this article says it requires lust, romance, and attraction. It is VERY hard to maintain this after so many years . . . but if you do not someone will wander (male or female) I do think its genetic. I have made every effort to maintain my weight and appearance and he has made every effort to still be romantic and keep up his appearance. After 10 years neither of us have found anything in anyone else worth straying for. Getting lazy and too comfortable is not attractive to men OR women. I have been cheated on and I have cheated also. Then I met my husband. Just as this article says it requires lust, romance, and attraction. It is VERY hard to maintain this after so many years . . . but if you do not someone will wander (male or female) I do think its genetic. I have made every effort to maintain my weight and appearance and he has made every effort to still be romantic and keep up his appearance. After 10 years neither of us have found anything in anyone else worth straying for. Getting lazy and too comfortable is not attractive to men OR women.

]]> By: JoeAllenSmith http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3692 JoeAllenSmith Fri, 03 Oct 2008 00:37:14 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3692 I personally believe that there is much to be said about a genetic link to being true to your mate. My mother was a 'cheater'. She was married to a man, not my father, for 50 years before she died. During their marriage she gave birth to two of his children and two children that were fathered by two different men. She would have given birth to a 'third bastard' but, by the grace of God, it was a miscarriage. I believe she passed that 'cheating gene' on to me. I have been in several monogamous relationships but could never remain true. I don't believe I could 'fall in love'. Now this could just be an 'environment problem' however I do not think so because I thought I was in love with each and everyone of my girlfriends. However I now know that this was not the case. Great article. Please send me some of the mouse gene because I am very lonely. I personally believe that there is much to be said about a genetic link to being true to your mate. My mother was a 'cheater'. She was married to a man, not my father, for 50 years before she died. During their marriage she gave birth to two of his children and two children that were fathered by two different men. She would have given birth to a 'third bastard' but, by the grace of God, it was a miscarriage.

I believe she passed that 'cheating gene' on to me. I have been in several monogamous relationships but could never remain true. I don't believe I could 'fall in love'. Now this could just be an 'environment problem' however I do not think so because I thought I was in love with each and everyone of my girlfriends. However I now know that this was not the case.

Great article. Please send me some of the mouse gene because I am very lonely.

]]> By: D http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3691 D Fri, 03 Oct 2008 00:08:52 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3691 Monogamy is a good healthy lifestyle choice that usually assures a certain amount of safety and security, and it's great for many people. However, there are a lot of people for whom a monogamous lifestyle is not desired. Non-monogamy is NOT the same as cheating. Many people on this planet practice varying styles of healthy and honest non-monogamous relationships. The key is ensuring that all parties involved are happy consenting adults who are being honest with eachother and acting with integrity. I've been practicing polyamory for several years now. My two partners know eachother and get along, but I have completely independent and unique relationships with each one of them. The more recent relationship was built with the full disclosure and consent of the preexisting partner. It's really wonderful to have the kind of honest open relationship when I can come home and my boyfriend asks me "So how'd your date with so&so turn out tonight?" and we gush over all the details as if I were talking to my best friend. Because, I am. People should only commit to a monogamous lifestyle if they have the ability to sustain this effort appropriately and with integrity. My opinion is that people who find themselves unhappy with the monogamy model they should seek to be responsible about finding other relationship models that better fit their personality (which may or may not involve genetics). And some comments about STDs: The biggest cause of disease transmission is dishonesty. Consenting adults who practice safer sex and agree to get regularly tested and disclose STD test results regularly with all of their partners are at a much lower risk of catching and spreading diseases. Consider how many adults acquire a hidden STD before they enter a monogamous relationship. How many of them transmit it to their new monogamous partners because they didn't get tested before starting a new relationship? Or because they only tested once and assumed they were clear, since certain diseases don't show up on blood tests until 6+ months after transmission? Get tested, do it regularly, be honest with yourself, and be fully honest with anyone you're coming into sexual contact with. Monogamy is a good healthy lifestyle choice that usually assures a certain amount of safety and security, and it's great for many people. However, there are a lot of people for whom a monogamous lifestyle is not desired. Non-monogamy is NOT the same as cheating. Many people on this planet practice varying styles of healthy and honest non-monogamous relationships. The key is ensuring that all parties involved are happy consenting adults who are being honest with eachother and acting with integrity.

I've been practicing polyamory for several years now. My two partners know eachother and get along, but I have completely independent and unique relationships with each one of them. The more recent relationship was built with the full disclosure and consent of the preexisting partner. It's really wonderful to have the kind of honest open relationship when I can come home and my boyfriend asks me "So how'd your date with so&so turn out tonight?" and we gush over all the details as if I were talking to my best friend. Because, I am.

People should only commit to a monogamous lifestyle if they have the ability to sustain this effort appropriately and with integrity. My opinion is that people who find themselves unhappy with the monogamy model they should seek to be responsible about finding other relationship models that better fit their personality (which may or may not involve genetics).

And some comments about STDs:

The biggest cause of disease transmission is dishonesty. Consenting adults who practice safer sex and agree to get regularly tested and disclose STD test results regularly with all of their partners are at a much lower risk of catching and spreading diseases.

Consider how many adults acquire a hidden STD before they enter a monogamous relationship. How many of them transmit it to their new monogamous partners because they didn't get tested before starting a new relationship? Or because they only tested once and assumed they were clear, since certain diseases don't show up on blood tests until 6+ months after transmission? Get tested, do it regularly, be honest with yourself, and be fully honest with anyone you're coming into sexual contact with.

]]> By: Dave http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3680 Dave Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:30:14 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3680 Partners cheat for a reason; typically unsatisfying sex lives for one or both of them. If you are not willing to do what it takes to keep your sex life active and fullfilling for your partner, expect somebody else to do it for you. Communicate your needs, don't get lazy and be willing to expand your horizons. Sex doesn't have to be boring regardless of how long you have been together. Partners cheat for a reason; typically unsatisfying sex lives for one or both of them. If you are not willing to do what it takes to keep your sex life active and fullfilling for your partner, expect somebody else to do it for you. Communicate your needs, don't get lazy and be willing to expand your horizons. Sex doesn't have to be boring regardless of how long you have been together.

]]> By: Bill http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3652 Bill Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:54:48 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3652 The emphasis on cheating males in this article and subsequent comments is commical. I actually run into more cheating females than males. They may be more discreet about it but, they are still doing it at least as often as males. In my opinion, our superficial/materialistic culture contributes to the infidelity. We have become a society that can easily put aside ethics and honesty in the pursuit of money and possesions. Why would relationships be any different to these people? Tired of your old car and want that shiney new Lexus? Lie, cheat and steal to get it. The balding husband represents the old car. The emphasis on cheating males in this article and subsequent comments is commical. I actually run into more cheating females than males. They may be more discreet about it but, they are still doing it at least as often as males.

In my opinion, our superficial/materialistic culture contributes to the infidelity. We have become a society that can easily put aside ethics and honesty in the pursuit of money and possesions. Why would relationships be any different to these people? Tired of your old car and want that shiney new Lexus? Lie, cheat and steal to get it. The balding husband represents the old car.

]]> By: JI http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3631 JI Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:56:04 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3631 Are you quick to anger? Then expect him to look around. Are you quick to anger? Then expect him to look around.

]]> By: J http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3630 J Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:53:54 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3630 Look,a ring does not make you his "property" If you keep complaining, generally negative,moaning about the past, quick (as I detect in some of the comments above)he is going to find some honey who likes tolaugh,has a positive attitude and is alive down there. You can't expect him to wait all week for you to get over your depression. Is it cheating? Yes. Can you blame him ?No Look,a ring does not make you his "property"
If you keep complaining, generally negative,moaning about the past, quick (as I detect in some of the comments above)he is going to find some honey who likes tolaugh,has a positive attitude and is alive down there.
You can't expect him to wait all week for you to get over your depression.
Is it cheating? Yes. Can you blame him ?No

]]> By: p http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3614 p Fri, 26 Sep 2008 07:02:25 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3614 In this day and age I find it funny that most of these comments are very sterotypical with men being the vow breaker / cheater. When will the day come when issues and problems of this nature will be viewed and shared equally between the 2 sexes ? In this day and age I find it funny that most of these comments are very sterotypical with men being the vow breaker / cheater. When will the day come when issues and problems of this nature will be viewed and shared equally between the 2 sexes ?

]]> By: J http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3613 J Fri, 26 Sep 2008 06:19:49 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3613 I used to strongly argue for faithfulness, however, I can't say I do anymore. I believe that if you enter into a relationship in which you agree to be faithful, you should uphold that agreement. If you feel you can't, or you don't want to anymore, then you should give your significant other the option of leaving. Having said that, I don't see the point of being with only one person sexually for the rest of your life. I understand that religion and morals dictate that sex should be an expression of love, but let's face it...we don't get hot over love, we get hot over lust. Sex and love are two different things entirely. No one can make the arguement that the only person they've been sexually attracted to is the one they married, or even only the ones they've dated. I think that being forced, or feeling forced to stay with one person breeds resentment for some people. If you know that a sexual act between your partner and someone else would make them happy, and it has nothing to do with how much they care for you, why stop it? I think people who are hurt by infidelity are hurt either because of the fact that they were lied to, or because, again, they believe sex= love and for most people, men especially, that's not true. I used to strongly argue for faithfulness, however, I can't say I do anymore. I believe that if you enter into a relationship in which you agree to be faithful, you should uphold that agreement. If you feel you can't, or you don't want to anymore, then you should give your significant other the option of leaving.
Having said that, I don't see the point of being with only one person sexually for the rest of your life. I understand that religion and morals dictate that sex should be an expression of love, but let's face it...we don't get hot over love, we get hot over lust. Sex and love are two different things entirely. No one can make the arguement that the only person they've been sexually attracted to is the one they married, or even only the ones they've dated.
I think that being forced, or feeling forced to stay with one person breeds resentment for some people. If you know that a sexual act between your partner and someone else would make them happy, and it has nothing to do with how much they care for you, why stop it?
I think people who are hurt by infidelity are hurt either because of the fact that they were lied to, or because, again, they believe sex= love and for most people, men especially, that's not true.

]]> By: Misty http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/22/your-cheatin-heart-will-tell-on-you/#comment-3599 Misty Thu, 25 Sep 2008 17:59:29 +0000 http://cnnpagingdrgupta.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-3599 For every boyfriend that i broke up with its always the same reason; CHEATING. This leads me to come to my own conclusion that men tend to be less monogomous by nature than that of women. I have no scientific answer as to why but based on my experience i feel that its selfishness and lust. Why mislead a woman into believing that its "just her" and then spend the rest of your time trying to be with other women. I always say to all my exes who by the way are now very good friends who now comes to me for advice; havent you realized that all women want the same thing; COMMITMENT. Funny enough there answer is yes. Then why do you think its going to be any different for the woman you are cheating with. Ladies the signs are there guess what text messages is the new cheating tool now, keep your eyes and ears open. For every boyfriend that i broke up with its always the same reason; CHEATING. This leads me to come to my own conclusion that men tend to be less monogomous by nature than that of women. I have no scientific answer as to why but based on my experience i feel that its selfishness and lust. Why mislead a woman into believing that its "just her" and then spend the rest of your time trying to be with other women. I always say to all my exes who by the way are now very good friends who now comes to me for advice; havent you realized that all women want the same thing; COMMITMENT. Funny enough there answer is yes. Then why do you think its going to be any different for the woman you are cheating with. Ladies the signs are there guess what text messages is the new cheating tool now, keep your eyes and ears open.

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